If You Want to Be a Great Leader…Shut Up and Listen

What would you do if you went to your doctor and said, “Doc, I hurt!” Without asking another question, your doctor writes you a prescription and tells you to take two pills a day for fourteen days. You then ask your doctor, “Do you want to know where I hurt or how long it’s been hurting?” Each question you ask, the doctor replies “no” and then tells you they have been a physician for twenty years, have seen hundreds of patients like you with the exact same symptoms and know the prescription they are giving you will work. If you were like me in this situation, you would most likely find a new doctor who cared enough to get the best possible information to make an accurate diagnosis and write the right prescription. When doctors don’t care enough to ask the right questions and listen to their patient’s responses, they have a high chance of committing malpractice.

In the world of leadership, many managers do just that…commit malpractice by not doing a great job listening to their team members and others in the organization. When we ask participants in seminars why it is important to listen, their responses almost always relate to the need to gain accurate information from employees. That is correct, but it’s only a small part of the reason why it’s important to listen. A greater concern to a leader should be that their employees truly believe that their leader cares about them. One way to say that you truly care about employees and value their opinions is by listening to them with undivided attention.

Listening involves not only hearing the speaker’s words, but also understanding the message and its importance to the speaker, and then communicating that understanding to the speaker.  The following tips will help you to listen more accurately and convey the feeling to others that you really do care about them and value their opinions.

1 – Develop an attitude of wanting to listen and learn.

Being a good listener starts with a positive attitude toward listening. If you are not in the right frame of mind for listening, you will miss valuable information. Remember, you can learn something from everyone. And if you cannot listen at that time, reschedule the conversation for another time when you will be able to give the other person your undivided attention. They will be thankful and impressed that you care enough to reschedule.

2 – Focus your attention on understanding the other person’s meaning, not on formulating your response.

A good listener is “other-focused” rather than “self-focused.” Your goal is to understand the other person. Show the speaker that you are listening by using “attending skills.”

• Maintain eye contact to show interest and to observe the speaker.
• Lean forward slightly to communicate concern and to better comprehend the message.
• Come out from behind a desk or any other physical barrier.
• Nod your head to indicate understanding.
• Smile when the speaker uses humor.
• Allow for pauses–don’t feel you have to fill the space with your words while the other person needs time to collect his or her thoughts.

3 – Use open-ended questions to open up communication.

Open-ended questions facilitate the conversation and provide an invitation to respond back and forth. They also let the other person know that his or her thinking is important to you.

4 – Use paraphrasing to ensure understanding.

Paraphrasing shows the speaker that you are listening and that you understand what he or she has said. It also ensures that your interpretation of the message is correct.

Examples:

• “You think the XYZ program is not a good idea because…”
• “It sounds like your major concerns on this project are…”

5 – Summarize conversations to ensure understanding and provide closure. 

A summary statement is a concise restatement of the key points discussed during a lengthy conversation. The summary brings the conversation to a close. It may also include a recap of specific actions or agreements made during the conversation.

Examples:

• “It seems that we agree that the project has gotten off track and that we will take the following steps to correct the situation.”
• “As I understand it, you feel that we should bring the marketing people in on this proposal. As we discussed, I will contact them and set up a meeting for next week to discuss their involvement.”

6 – Take action on what you hear and learn.

When you do a great job of listening or asking questions for an even better understanding of your counterpart’s point of view, your counterpart will feel heard. When you not only listen well, but take action on what you learn, team members will not only feel heard, they will feel that their opinion is valued by you. When people feel valued and cared about, they are much more willing to follow a leader in the direction they are going.

Leaders who do not listen to others or value their opinion by putting what they hear and learn into action are called arrogant. To be even more blunt, sometimes they are called asses or jerks. People do not follow arrogant people unless they have to. If enough people think you are an arrogant jerk or ass, they will band together and actively work to undermine your success. 

When you utilize these communication tips when interacting with team members, you will build strong relationships where people feel valued and cared about.  In summary, to show that you care about building good rapport with all team members, talk less and listen more.