Can You Take Feedback?

One of the great questions we are asked is, “Can I give you some feedback?” How is that for a loaded question. What are we supposed to say, “no.” We almost always say “yes” which then creates the leadership question, “Are you a leader to whom it is easy to give feedback?” We recently were retained by a CEO to collect feedback for her and one of her team members who was struggling as a leader. When we presented the feedback to the CEO, the CEO said, “This feedback is really helpful and I wish we had done this even sooner.” When we presented the feedback to the executive who reported to the CEO, the executive listened to the feedback and then stated in anger, “This is bull&*!^” and blamed the feedback on the CEO who he labeled as weak.

Our firm does hundreds of 360 Leadership Development Assessments each year. Managers who are in the bottom quartile of our 360 Assessments invariably have the inability to accept constructive feedback as one of their lowest competencies. Even great leaders usually agree they have the opportunity to improve in the areas of giving and receiving feedback.  We also see that managers who are not strong in soliciting, accepting and acting on feedback many times are the same managers who are not strong in giving feedback to team members.

It is our belief that there are two ways you can look at feedback. One way is through the lens of an inadequacy or deficiency. Managers who struggle see opportunity for improvement feedback as someone telling them they are not good enough or wrong. If you personalize feedback and it becomes viewed as a flaw in your character or an assassination of who you are as a person, it will be almost impossible to accept feedback. Successful leaders view feedback not as an inadequacy or deficiency but as an opportunity to grow. When you view feedback through the opportunity to grow lens, even the most difficult feedback becomes easier to solicit, accept and put into action.

Here are eight tips to help you see feedback as an opportunity to grow.

1. Ask for feedback. If you have a reputation for not accepting feedback, the only want to change that reputation is to seek out feedback. Find people who care about you and have the guts to tell you the truth. Ask them for two things they feel you are doing well and one thing they feel you need to work on and improve.
2. Shut up and listen. You will never learn anything from anybody when you are talking. But then you ask, “what if they are wrong.” Shut up and listen. Ask questions to gain even more information about the other’s perspective. When you cut people off or tell people they are wrong, you tell the world that you don’t want or appreciate feedback. My favorite question to ask people who make it obvious they don’t want your feedback is, “it is obvious you don’t appreciate me coming to you and sharing feedback that I thought would help you. Next time I have this type of feedback, who would you like me to give it to, the CEO or Human Resources?”
3. Do not argue. Arguing with someone who is trying to give you feedback only creates relationships where people make the decision to share feedback about you with others in the organization. That is not helpful to you in learning and growing to become an even more effective leader.
4. Recognize that feedback from one person is just that…one person’s opinion. Unless that person is your husband, wife or partner, one opinion may not be a reason you want to change. But, sometimes, there is only one person in your organization who has the guts to tell you the truth. In those situations, it may be like the red “engine warning” light that every once in a while shows up on your dashboard. It may only be one person, but they are giving you feedback because they care about you and see you have an opportunity to grow.
5. Take action. Use feedback to change. In tip four, we said that if only one person gives you the feedback, you may decide not to accept the feedback and change. If five people tell you that you have a tail, you should turn around and take a look. When you hear feedback multiple times, enough people care about you and it is in your best interests to take the feedback and develop a plan to grow and become an even stronger leader.
6. Say “thank you” and mean it. If you are not thankful for people who care enough about you to share important information they think you need to hear, next time, they will probably share the feedback with someone other than you. Then you are functioning in your organization with only part of the information you need to make the best decisions.
7. Develop even stronger confidence. When you think about confident people, they have the ability to admit mistakes, recognize they have strengths and opportunities for improvement and are grateful when people give them feedback.
8. Find a coach. If you are a CEO or executive, you will find the most value from an executive coach from outside the organization. You will be able to build a relationship with your coach where information can be shared that would be difficult to do from a team member inside the organization.

As a leader, your success is in direct proportion to your ability to receive and act on feedback. If you are struggling and could use assistance in this area, Peter Barron Stark Companies can help.  We have coached hundreds of leaders in the art of communication and receiving feedback.