Can You Handle the Honest Truth?

Do you know what people really think about you as a leader? We are working on several projects right now where leaders have been blindsided and then dumbfounded by how others in the organization see them as a leader. Some leaders have learned that other team members do not see them as a collaborative team player; rather, they are only focused on themselves or their team. Other leaders have learned that team members view their communication style as rude and disrespectful because they are unwilling to listen or value the opinions of others. If that is not tough enough feedback, another leader learned they are described as a bully who does anything to get their way.

The question to ask is, “How do these leaders not know that others do not regard their leadership skills in a favorable light?” It is a great question. It has been our experience that these leaders do not know or, if they do know, they do not genuinely believe that others really think they lack the skills to be a great leader. Here are some possible reasons for their (mis)beliefs:

1. They talk a lot more than they listen or ask questions. When you are confident in your opinion and the belief you are right, people are less confident to speak up and tell you what they really think. If you don’t like honest feedback, this is a brilliant strategy.
2. They reject feedback. When these managers hear feedback they do not agree with, they are quick to rationalize away the feedback or, better yet, tell the provider of the feedback that they are wrong. In extreme situations, the receiver of the feedback gets angry and the provider of the feedback definitely knows not to share this feedback a second time.
3. They retaliate. Taken to the extreme, some managers will actually create an environment designed to get the giver of the feedback to decide the pain inflicted on them for being honest is simply too great. Some of the retaliation tactics we have seen include: withhold communication; tell others in the organization untrue things about the person who provided them with tough feedback.
4. They avoid. They simply avoid people who have the guts to stand up to them and tell them the truth. The most usual form of avoidance is the manager who will work around individuals, just not deal directly with them.
5. They blame others. As long as you can find someone else to blame for your behaviors, you do not need to take any personal responsibility to change. When you can find someone else to blame, it is easier to justify why you are the way you are.

Do any of these traits sound like you? If so, here are 4 tips that will help you know the truth about how others in the organization see you as a leader.

1. Thank people. The only people who are willing to give you honest feedback are the people who genuinely care about your success. People who don’t really care about you make the conscious decision that it is too much work to tell you the truth. It is easier to let you keep on breathing your own exhaust. Thank people for caring enough to give you honest feedback. Whether you do it right at the moment or at a later time, thanking people rewards them for having the guts to tell you first.
2. Apologize. Sometimes people will give you feedback that you did something that did not sit well with them or made them feel devalued. If your goal was to not make the individual upset, the best thing to do is apologize. It is amazing how many managers have an ego so big that they refuse to say they are sorry. If they would just have the ability to apologize and not do the offending behavior again, the target would drop off their back. Combine the first two keys. Apologize and thank people for caring enough to give you the feedback and you will be well on your way to know the truth about your leadership.
3. Take action: Put to use the feedback you have learned and take action to become an even stronger leader. Recently, we worked with a manager who made decisions that had significant impact on other departments in the organization. When informed of the negative impact of their decisions, this manager took the feedback and decided to hold a meeting to discuss the next decision with the other areas of the organization that would be impacted. The end result of the meeting was a better decision that was supported by all areas.
4. Seek feedback: Have the guts to ask how you are doing as a leader. Ensure you ask for feedback from others who have the guts to tell you the truth. How do you know if people have the guts to tell you the truth? They also have ideas of what you can do to be an even stronger leader. People who do not have the guts have a pretty standard response, “You are great.” Thinking you are great keeps you at your status quo and that is not helpful to a leader who has aspirations of truly being great.

Although these 4 tips are simple to describe, for some managers, they are very difficult to consistently utilize. The key is to be aware of how you respond to feedback and then put the tips to use. If you slip up, apologize and quickly go back to utilizing the other three tips. Is it worth it? It is always better to know the truth.

Note: We are honored to be included in a GREAT list of negotiation books compiled by the team at Upjourney. If you’re interested in learning more about negotiation, view their full list here: 17 Best Negotiation Books