6 Words that Will Hurt your Ability to Lead

There’s one question that I have been asked hundreds of times in my career and it is, “Can I be honest with you?

Other variations of the same line include:

“I’m going to be honest with you.” “I need to be transparent with you.” Or, better yet, “Can I be frank?”
Every time someone asks about their need to be honest with me, the same thoughts race through my mind before I give the obvious answer of “of course.” These thoughts are:

• No, lie to me. That’s always helpful in building a relationship based on trust.
• Why do you need to ask me this? Are you thinking about lying to me?
• Are you trying to emphasize that what you are telling me is really important and that you would never lie about this topic?
• Are you telling me you usually lie but you want me to know I am special to you and that you’re making a real effort for me to know that what you are about to say is really the truth.
• Are you trying to make an impression on me of just how honest you really are?

There is one big problem with the line, “I am going to be honest with you.” Indirectly, you tell the world that you’re not always honest and you need to emphasize that what you’re about to say is special … it is honest. Telling people you’re being honest lessens the level of trust that people have in you and what you’re communicating.

The difference between a leader and a manager is simple: a leader may or may not have a title, but what a leader always has is a relationship based on trust where people are motivated to follow them. People don’t follow those who they don’t trust.

There is a simple solution: be honest in every communication at all times and then you’ll never have the need to tell people you’re being honest!