The Communication Mistake Leaders Don’t Know They’re Making

A leader we were coaching came to us frustrated with a member of his team. He had given this employee clear goals, he said, and the work still wasn’t coming back the way he needed it. He had repeated himself more than once. Nothing changed. He was starting to wonder if the employee was the right fit for the role.

We asked him to walk us through exactly what he had communicated. He did. And the problem became clear almost immediately. He had told the employee what the outcome needed to look like, but not how to get there. For him, that was enough. He was a results-oriented leader who didn’t need a roadmap, just a destination. But the employee sitting across from him was wired differently. She needed context, steps, and a clearer sense of the path before she could move forward with confidence. Neither of them was wrong. They just spoke different languages, and nobody had noticed.

This is a common communication failure we see in our work with leaders. It rarely shows up as a dramatic breakdown. It shows up quietly, as missed expectations, repeated instructions, and a growing sense of frustration on both sides. The leader believes they have been clear. The employee doesn’t have what they need to succeed. And over time, the leader starts to draw the wrong conclusion about the employee’s capability.

The root cause is almost always the same. Leaders tend to communicate the way they prefer to receive information. If they process best with a quick summary and a clear outcome, that is how they deliver direction. If they think in systems and sequences, their instructions reflect that. The style that feels natural to them becomes the default for everyone around them, regardless of whether it actually works. When the message doesn’t land, the response is usually to repeat it, louder or more often, in exactly the same way. What they rarely stop to ask is whether the issue is the message or the method.

The reality is that people absorb information very differently, and understanding those differences is one of the most practical things a leader can develop. In our work, we typically see four styles. 1. Drivers  – they want the bottom line. They process quickly, don’t need details, and prefer direct, efficient communication. 2. Analytical – they are the opposite. They need information, context, and time to process before they can move forward confidently. 3. Supporters – they are relationship-oriented and respond better when communication feels personal, patient, and collaborative rather than transactional. 4. Harmonizers – they are team-focused and creative, and they engage best when they can see how their work connects to the bigger picture. Most people lean toward one of these styles but can borrow from the others when needed, and a leader who can read those preferences and adjust accordingly will get dramatically different results than one who doesn’t.

The good news is that this is a learnable skill, and it starts with curiosity rather than diagnosis.

How to close the gap.

Ask before you assume. When an employee isn’t delivering what you expected, resist the instinct to repeat yourself or escalate. Instead, ask what information they need or are missing. Most people will tell you exactly what they need if you give them the opening.

Match the detail to the person. A person who is a fast pasted drivers need outcomes and space to get there, not the direction on how to get there. While a more process-oriented person will need the information ahead of time to review before they can have a conversation about it. A more relationship-focused person will need more connection, patience, and relevance. Adjusting your approach doesn’t mean lowering your standards. It means delivering the same expectations in a way the other person can actually use.

Watch for the repeat cycle. If you find yourself giving the same direction more than once, that is a signal worth paying attention to. The instinct is to assume the employee isn’t listening or doesn’t get it. The more useful question is whether they are hearing it in a way that makes sense to them.

Check for understanding, not just agreement. A nod in a meeting is not confirmation that someone has what they need. Ask employees to reflect on their understanding of the goal and the path to get there. The gaps that surface in that conversation are far cheaper to address in the moment than after the work comes back wrong.

The employee in our opening story wasn’t a low performer. She was a capable person who had been set up to struggle by a communication mismatch neither she nor her leader fully understood. Once he adjusted how he delivered direction, her work changed. So did his assessment of her potential.

Communication mistakes can be expensive as a leader, and it isn’t that they are saying the wrong thing. It’s assuming that the way they say it is the way everyone else receives it.

Dusty Tockstein is a senior consultant at Peter Barron Stark Companies. Dusty works with clients to improve their corporate culture through a variety of tools, including Employee Engagement Surveys, 360 Leadership Development Assessments, Leadership Coaching, and Organizational Assessments.