Belonging Is Not Soft. It Is Operational

Picture this. You are sitting in a meeting with your team. You ask an open question, something about strategy or a challenge the department is facing. And the room goes quiet. Not the productive quiet of people thinking carefully before they speak. The uncomfortable kind, where eyes drop to the table, and no one moves. You have invited every person in that room. You have given them a seat, a voice, and an opportunity. And yet, no ideas come.

We hear belonging described as a soft concept, something aspirational that organizations gesture toward in values statements and DEI initiatives. But in our survey work, the fingerprints of low belonging are everywhere in the hard numbers. It appears in low engagement scores, in teams where ideas stopped flowing, in departments where the best people leave, and the remaining ones go quiet. Belonging is not soft. It is one of the most practical drivers of performance and retention that we measure.

That silence is not about the question. It is about whether the people in that room feel comfortable enough to answer it. They were included, but they did not feel like they belonged, and closing that gap is one of the most consequential things a leader can do.

What makes it difficult is that most breakdowns in belonging do not come from obvious failures of leadership. They come from subtle, accumulated habits that leaders rarely notice because their intent is good. Meetings where input is invited but decisions are already made. Recognition that is broad and generic rather than specific and personal. Unclear expectations about where an employee’s voice actually matters. These patterns are rarely intentional, but their impact is cumulative. Over time, employees draw a quiet conclusion: that their contribution does not change anything, so why try?

We see this dynamic regularly in our assessment work. A leader who, by every measure, is doing the right things, holding meetings, sharing information, inviting participation, and yet something is missing. Employees are present but not engaged, included but not connected. They have learned, through small, repeated signals, that the room may be open but is not entirely secure. And once people learn that, they stop bringing their best thinking to the table.

Belonging, at its core, is built through clarity, consistency, and care, and all three of those are operational responsibilities. Employees feel a sense of belonging when they understand how their work connects to the team’s mission, when they know what is expected and how success is measured, when they trust that disagreement will be heard rather than penalized, when they feel their manager is genuinely invested in them as people, and when they have a shared connection to the team. None of this requires grand gestures or new programs. It requires disciplined daily habits.

The most important thing for leaders to understand is that belonging varies enormously within the same organization, often within the same building. One team thrives while the one next door struggles, under identical policies and with access to the same resources. That variance almost always traces back to the immediate manager. Belonging is not built by the organization. It is built, or eroded, by the person running the Tuesday morning meeting. How that leader listens, how they respond to mistakes, how they distribute recognition, how they handle a moment of disagreement, how they foster shared values, these are the interactions that tell employees whether they truly belong or are simply present.

Shared values are another layer of belonging that leaders often overlook. When employees see their own values reflected in how the team operates, how decisions are made, how people treat each other, and what the group collectively stands for, they feel a deeper connection to their work and to the people around them. This is not about posting values on a wall. It is about whether the day-to-day experience of being on the team consistently reinforces those values. Leaders who take the time to involve their teams in shaping shared norms, who name the values they see in action, and who hold everyone, including themselves, to those standards, create an environment where belonging takes root naturally. When people feel they are part of something with a shared identity and purpose, they do not just show up. They invest.

This is also why belonging is so easy to overestimate. Well-intentioned leaders often assume their teams feel more connected than they do, because employees are unlikely to say directly, “I don’t feel like I belong here,” especially to a manager they respect. The signal tends to come later, in an engagement survey, in a pattern of quiet disengagement, or in a resignation conversation that catches the leader off guard.

So what does building belonging actually look like in practice? A few habits make a consistent difference.

Connect people to purpose. Regularly show employees how their work ties to the team’s goals and the organization’s mission. Do not assume they already see it. Say it out loud, often.

Welcome Opposition. Belonging grows in environments where people can challenge ideas without consequence. The tone is set not by how often you invite dissent, but by how you respond when it happens.

Be specific with recognition. Generic praise tells people they were noticed. Specific recognition tells them they matter. Name the contribution, not just the outcome.

Clarify where input counts. Tell people when you are seeking their feedback, rather than sharing a decision that has already been made. That clarity reduces frustration and builds trust over time.

Check in with intention. A brief, genuine conversation about how someone is doing carries more belonging-building power than most leaders realize. It signals that you see the person, not just the work.

Build shared identity. Involve your team in shaping the norms and values that define how you work together. Name the behaviors you see that reflect those values, and hold everyone, including yourself, to the same standard. When people feel they are part of a team with a shared identity and purpose, belonging follows naturally. Nothing exemplifies this more than a non-profit or startup. Everyone is 100% on board, knows where the organization is going, the purpose, and the energy couldn’t be higher.

For a deeper look at the key drivers of belonging and how they connect to engagement and retention, see our earlier piece, Belonging vs. Inclusion: What’s the Difference and Why It Matters.

The question that separates leaders who build strong belonging from those who do not is a simple shift in perspective. Instead of asking “Have I included everyone?” the better question is “How do people actually experience working with me?” Belonging is not about being liked. It is about being intentional, consistent, and honest about whether the environment you are creating every day is one where people feel valued enough to bring their best.

When belonging is strong, everything else gets easier. Engagement follows. Retention improves. Ideas surface that would otherwise stay buried, and you keep your top performers. The good news is that belonging, unlike many things in leadership, is entirely within your control to build.

Dusty Tockstein is a senior consultant at Peter Barron Stark Companies. Dusty works with clients to improve their corporate culture through a variety of tools, including Employee Engagement Surveys, 360 Leadership Development Assessments, Leadership Coaching, and Organizational Assessments.