Effectively Dealing with a Passive-Aggressive Employee

In our training seminar, Effectively Leading Organizational Change, we talk about the five animals of change. Each of the five animals shows up in one of the four phases of change. The animals are:

The reason we needed to pick two animals for the resist and react stage of change is because almost always, in this stage, one of two very different animals shows up. The bulldogs are actually easy for a leader to deal with because the bulldogs are both visible and vocal.  When you see a bulldog coming toward your office or cubicle, there are only two words that go through your mind, “not good.” You know they are not coming to tell you how blessed they feel that you are their manager. They will tell you why they do not like the change, why they feel the change will not work, and will blatantly tell you they do not plan to implement your change. The second animal, the carp fish, is going to get you into trouble. They will sit in your meeting when you announce your change and say to everyone, “whatever,” and offer very little resistance…until the end of the meeting. Then they meet together with every other carp they can find in the organization and strategically plan to undermine your change. You never saw the resistance coming. It takes you thirty to sixty days to figure out that the carps have created an even more powerful strategic plan to roadblock your change. If given a choice, on any given day, I would prefer a bulldog. Bulldogs are honest, you can see them coming and you know exactly where they stand. And, best of all, if you ask a bulldog the right question like, “What happens if the whole organization implements this change and you don’t. How do you see this playing out?”  Bulldogs are highly trainable.

So, what happens when you have to deal with a passive-aggressive carp that is shooting poison blow darts at you from behind a tree that you never see coming? Here are 6 tips to be an effective leader of passive-aggressive team members.

1. Look in the mirror. Ask yourself, “What role am I playing in this relationship that is allowing this team member to be passive-aggressive and not shoot straight?”  Are you not clear on your expectations with team members? Are you uncomfortable leaning into conflict when the team member does not do something that aligns with the best interests of the team or organization? Are you good at consistently communicating with this team member or do you wait until there is a real problem that needs to be addressed? Changing your leadership style and your own behaviors may eliminate a team member’s passive-aggressive behaviors that undermine you and the team.
2. Set crystal clear expectations. With passive-aggressive team members, they will use any vague or unclear communication to their advantage. Set clear goals, outcomes and timelines for accomplishment. With crystal clear goals, outcomes, and timeframes for accomplishment, you will find that you seldom have to fire a passive-aggressive team member; they usually end up firing themselves.
3. Set times to consistently meet and communicate. Passive-aggressive people work best when they never have to meet in person to address questions regarding their lack of communication or behaviors that are not in alignment with the team’s goals. Ask the employee how their actions or lack of action helped build teamwork or enabled the team to achieve their goals.
4. Really listen. When you listen to team members, you indirectly communicate that you do care about them and value their opinion. Ask the employee why they feel something will not work or how their actions or lack of actions will accomplish the team’s goals. The team member may also have suggestions of how they can best accomplish the goals. Most importantly, it is hard to be passive-aggressive when you know the behaviors will negatively impact someone who genuinely cares about you.
5. Sell them on the problem, not the solution. You let your team member know that all of the emails need to be responded to within four business hours. The team member responds to people she likes, but does not respond to people she does not like or work well with. Telling the employee to respond to emails within four hours is a good solution and would work if the employee took action; but if they do not, you change strategies and ask this question: “If I need someone in your position who responds to every email within four business hours and you do not, what options are you leaving me as your supervisor?” The employee will eventually have to say, “You could write me up; give me a bad performance review; inhibit my promotion; or fire me.” Once they verbalize the outcomes to your question, you can ask them, “If I do take the actions you described, is that a problem for you?” Until there is agreement there is a problem, passive-aggressive team members are not motivated to take action.
6. Hold all team members accountable. If we think about point number one on this list, what role have you played in this passive-aggressive relationship, there is a good chance you have not held the employee accountable to clear expectations. There are two major areas to ensure accountability with passive-aggressive team members. The easier of the two areas is to hold them accountable to achieving and exceeding their goals and results on time. The second area of accountability is to ensure they exhibit the daily behaviors that promote good communication, collaboration and cross-departmental teamwork. When team members do not implement new behaviors, re-communicate your crystal clear expectations. When that does not work, get HR involved in coaching you to document the team member’s performance.

By taking these six actions, you can minimize passive-aggressive behaviors and, many times, engage these team members to become high-performing members of the team. But the key to your success is to start with your behaviors first. When your behaviors change, it is only then that you have the best chance of changing the undermining behaviors of a passive-aggressive team member.