Decoding Nonverbal Communication

Successful leaders know that being a good communicator is at the very foundation of any meaningful relationship, whether it be personal or professional. Not only are these leaders great communicators, they also have the ability to read and decode the nonverbal communication being expressed in relationships.

What is nonverbal communication? Nonverbal communication relates to everything that you communicate to your audience or counterpart, other than the words that you speak. When we connect with others, we are continuously sending and receiving wordless signals.

So often we think of leaders who are great communicators as being great speakers, but that’s only part of what makes them great leaders. In reality, the best communicators are those with the patience and ability to really listen, to hear what is being said and most importantly, what is not being said. If you want to improve your leadership communication skills, practicing your presentation style will help you polish your delivery. But, if you want to be a truly exceptional leader, practice your listening skills and focus on a more profound element of communication . . . the words not being spoken.

Decoding nonverbal communication is not an exacting science. If an employee is not looking at you during your conversation with her, does it mean that you can’t trust her? That she lacks confidence in her working relationship with you? Or is it cultural – has she been taught not to make eye contact with a person in authority? You make an announcement about a policy change during a team meeting, and an employee pushes back his chair and crosses his arms over his chest. Is he disagreeing with you? Is he taking some time to think through what you’ve just said? Or, is he just cold?

Many skeptics argue that it is difficult to determine what someone is thinking by singling out one gesture. I agree. A single gesture is like a single word; out of context, its true meaning is vague. But, when gestures come in clusters, their meaning becomes clearer. For example, while a person’s nervous fidgeting may not mean much by itself, if that person is avoiding eye contact, placing his hands around his mouth, touching his face and fidgeting, there’s a good chance he isn’t being completely honest with you.

The following tips will help you increase your ability to decode nonverbal communication and respond appropriately.

1. Be observant: Make it a practice to look people in the eyes while you converse with them. Make note of not only the words expressed in the conversation, but the impact of those words. Are they making eye contact and nodding while you speak, typically indicating acceptance and understanding? Or, are they looking up, to the side, or down when you speak? Are they moving further away from you while the conversation progresses? These signs could indicate disagreement or that your counterpart is reacting emotionally to what you are saying. Pay attention and use the tips below to decode these nonverbal signals.
2. Ask questions: When you are not sure about what emotion you are reading, ask questions. Questions like, “Is this something you can support?” “Do you have concerns about moving forward in this direction?” Or, “What part of this approach concerns you the most?” will give you greater understanding as to what emotion or challenge your counterpart may be experiencing.
3. Listen: After asking questions, focus on listening and engaging the speaker in further dialogue. The more questions you ask, the better your understanding will be of both the nonverbal communication and your counterpart’s stance on the issue.
4. Recognize the importance of implicit needs: Often at work, the focus is on explicit needs . . . what needs to be done; when the project must be completed; who is responsible, etc. Explicit needs are straightforward. It’s the implicit needs in any working relationship that are more complicated but will give you a better understanding of the nonverbal language signals being expressed. Is ego involved? Is there some history surrounding the issue? Is status on the project a factor? Being able to accurately interpret the implicit need, will give you a much greater ability to decode the nonverbal communication that is being expressed.
5. Confirm understanding: Being observant; asking questions; listening to the responses; and trying to understand the implicit needs in a relationship will all help you get a better read on the nonverbal communication being expressed. Taking these steps will not only help you achieve positive outcomes, but strengthen workplace relationships. For example, you might say, “It sounds like you think our current timeline is unrealistic. You don’t think we can ensure the quality of the product if we push to launch by the end of the year. (Explicit need) You are concerned about the team’s reputation is the product is released too early and has flaws. (Implicit need) If I ask my boss to attend a meeting with the project team, would you be willing to give us a status update?”

Our bodies speak volumes, often much more so than our actual spoken words. More than words alone, nonverbal language alerts you to what is really on your counterpart’s mind. The best leaders are adept at reading and responding appropriately to nonverbal language signals to enhance their ability to build strong, productive working relationships with others, throughout the organization. Pay close attention to what is being said, and more importantly, what is not being said.