A Leader’s Guide to Saying No

Why do so many leaders have difficulty telling an employee “no?” One of the reasons is that some leaders have a high need to be liked, and they are fearful that if they tell someone “no” the employee will not be happy with the leader or their decision. Saying “no” is a fundamental part of every leader’s job, whether referring to time off requests, return to work schedules, prioritizing projects, changing performance review ratings, or approving new ideas or projects. Leaders are supposed to say “no” from time to time because the decisions they make directly affect the company’s or team’s success. It may be a hard pill for employees to swallow when you deny their ideas or requests, so here are some tips that can help you say “no” while keeping employees engaged and motivated.

Clear Boundaries
If employees are clear on the company’s and team’s vision, values, goals, and policies when they begin their employment, they know there is a chance certain requests may be denied if it is not in alignment with the team’s mission, vision, and goals. For example, if the company’s goal is giving great service to customers and three team members want to take time off at the same time, leaving a lack of support for the customer, team members know that someone is going to have their time off request denied. This makes it less disappointing to team members when they are denied a request because they understand why the “no” decision was made.

Listen and Show Respect
Instead of denying a request immediately, ask questions and actively listen to the employee’s responses. Determine if there are other options or alternatives or if a compromise can be made. Show the employee that you want to try and help if you can and, if at the end of the day you can’t, they will appreciate that you tried to accommodate their request, respected their time, and heard them out.

Conditional “No”
If you cannot honor a request, don’t immediately say “no.” There may be some options or alternatives that can somewhat satisfy your employee’s needs. For example, let’s say the employee was not happy with how your rated him on his annual performance review. You may respond with a conditional “no,” you might say, “Although I am not able to change the ratings on your review, here is what I can do.” You then let the employee know that if he corrects the opportunities for improvement in his performance review, in six months, you will put an update in his employee file stating that the employee has corrected the problems and, at this time, the employee now meets expectations. Ensure the employee knows you are trying to be reasonable and compromise.

Communicate Reasons
The last thing employees want is to be denied a request without being given any reasoning behind it. This results in resentment from employees and a lack of closure regarding the situation. When possible, provide reasons supporting the company or team’s mission, vision, values or goals. The best way to maintain respect from your employees is to be honest with them about why you denied their request.

Be Prompt and Direct
In an interview, an employee shared with us that she had requested time off for her daughter’s graduation two months prior and the supervisor had yet to respond. This employee had asked her supervisor several times for approval and each time the supervisor told her he needed to review her request and ensure he would have adequate staffing levels. If an employee asks for something and you respond with uncertainty, the employee will try to push until it is approved. This example has a bad outcome for the supervisor. Before he could ever give this employee his decision, the employee resigned. Giving no response is much worse than giving them an answer they don’t want to hear, so it is best to be prompt and honest in your response.

Stressful Situations
When employees have a request you are unsure if you can fulfill, give yourself more time to think it over. In some situations, employees ask for something and need a response immediately. If this is the case, many times leaders feel pressured to say yes because they don’t have enough time to think of a polite way to say “no.” In these situations, we recommend you get calmer, get a little quieter, ask questions, really listen, and then respond “no” letting your team member understand the “what” and “why” behind your decision. It is important that you practice saying “no” so if you are put in a position where your hands are tied, you can quickly get your point across without seeming rude or abrupt.

While saying “no” can seem like a way to push employees and success away from you, if you know how to say “no” correctly, you will promote innovative thinking and maintain employee engagement. Telling employees “no” to a request when there is a valid reason to do so will free up more time to accomplish your goals and get you one step closer to fulfilling your vision. Last, for the leaders who do not like conflict and have a high need to be liked, remember, as a leader, it is more important to be respected than to be liked.