The writing had been on the wall for over a year. The majority of people didn’t trust this leader, as was confirmed by both her Leadership Development Assessment (360) and Employee Engagement Survey results. Instead of asking herself why people didn’t trust her, and what she could do to fix it, she remained stubbornly convinced other factors were causing the problem – not her.

Repairing broken trust may be one of the most difficult leadership pitfalls to overcome. Although I have blogged on this topic before, in this case, it’s worth doing a post-mortem. How did this manager manage to break down trust to the point of getting fired?

1. She believed she was smarter than everyone else on the team…including her boss and boss’ boss
2. Took the credit for success
3. Lacked accountability: Consistently bad mouthed others and gave everyone else a healthy portion of blame
4. Outright lied and clouded intent by delivering different messages to different people
5. Discounted the feedback and concerns of others, and had plenty of explanations for why her scores were low (none of which involved her)
6. Controlled information: Did not empower her managers or employees to talk to others or make decisions
7. Missed important meetings where she would be forced to talk about inconsistencies in communication or decisions
8. Took her employees and peers for granted
9. Lacked self-confidence and was never able to even ask the question, “What if is me?”
10. Made substantially unethical decisions

This leader had a prescription of exactly what she needed to do to rebuild trust with her team and others in the organization. We discussed it every month. And every month, this manager would say, “I’m doing exactly what you told me to do.” Unfortunately, she was lying to herself. She wasn’t doing what was outlined in her action plan, and team members confirmed the lack of alignment between what she said she was doing and her actions.

Could this manager have rebuilt the trust she lost? In this case, no, and number 10 on the long list of transgressions in the reason why. When you make unethical decisions and they are uncovered, any credible senior leadership team will make the decision to immediately fire the manager in question.

Short of making such egregious mistakes, leaders can rebuild lost trust. It isn’t easy, and it isn’t quick, but if you as a leader are committed to making changes, you can turn the situation around and go on to become a strong and successful leader.

Ask and answer the question, “What if it’s me?” Until you’re prepared to answer this question honestly and take responsibility for how others see you are a leader, you don’t stand a chance of re-building trust with your direct reports or others in your organization. Likewise, if you answer the question with a resounding “NO,” you’ll always find someone else to blame for your leadership downfalls.

Genuinely care about your people. When you truly care about your people, you don’t lie to them or cloud the intent of your communication. You make decisions that are in alignment with the vision and values of your organization. These decisions are usually in the best interests of the customer and the long-term best interests of the employees and the organization.

Trust yourself and then trust others. When you trust yourself, you know that you can figure out or fix almost any problem in your area of responsibility. Most importantly, it is only when you trust yourself and trust others that you can allow people to take responsibility, be accountable, and make decisions on behalf of you and the team. Realize that you don’t have all the answers for everything, and ask your team members for their ideas and input. They were hired for their expertise and talent. When leaders ask for input it shows they trust their employees and this in turn helps employees feel they are valued and can trust their manager.

Don’t rely on your title. Great leaders build relationships where others want to follow in the direction they are going. If the only thing you have to rely on is your title to get things done, you might be a manager, but you will never be a trusted leader.

Be grateful: value and appreciate your team members. Leaders who value and appreciate others have consciously thought, “What happens if no one on my team shows up tomorrow?” If no one is following you, you’re not a leader. Rewarding and recognizing success is really important, so recognize and reward success every chance you get. Being appreciative of your team members is critical to creating a trusting relationship where employees can genuinely say, “I love my job and where I work.”

Over communicate. Deliver consistent messages, regardless of the person on the receiving end. Honest, direct, timely, and consistent communication breeds trust.

Be honest when it costs you something to be honest. The only time you gain points for being honest is when it costs you something. To take responsibility and say, “I screwed up and didn’t handle this well and for that I apologize,” costs you something. It also makes a significant difference in the level of trust you earn.

Ask for feedback.  Let people know you’re aware that your actions have eroded the trust of the team and you are working hard to rebuild it. Ask people for honest feedback on what actions you’re taking are working well for the team and what people think you could do differently to be an even stronger leader.

Be vulnerable. People find it easier to trust you when you are transparent. When you have the ability to say, “I don’t know the answer,” or, “I might be wrong,” or, “I made a mistake and I am glad you covered for me,” people know that you are human. People who have a high need to defend what they did wrong are not trusted.

Recognize that rebuilding trust is going to take a long period of time. Most people who have been burned by a leader are not going to respond well when the leader says something along the lines of, “From this point forward, you can trust me.” To expect anything less than that rebuilding lost trust will take a lot of time only continues to undermine trust.

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Why do so many leaders fail, and what do the successful leaders do differently?

Thousands of business books tell you how to be a leader. Far fewer books delve into the surprisingly common mistakes many leaders unknowingly make that end up derailing their success. Using real scenarios and examples collected throughout their years of corporate and military leadership and management experience, Peter Stark and Mary Kelly pinpoint why some managers fail and what successful leaders do differently.

Be on the lookout for Why Leaders Fail and the 7 Prescriptions Success, coming April, 2016. Available for pre-order now! http://ow.ly/ZdSXU 

The post What if it’s Me? appeared first on Peter Barron Stark Companies.

“I need to be transparent with you.”

“Can I be frank?”

We hear these phrases frequently, but they all share one big problem. Indirectly, these phrases are telling the world that you’re not always honest and that you need to emphasize that what you’re saying is special, simply because it’s honest.

The difference between a leader and a manager is simple: a leader may or may not have a title, but what a leader always has are relationships where people are motivated to follow their leader in the direction they are headed. People do not follow those whom they do not trust. Telling people that you’re being honest lessens the level of trust that people have in you and what you are communicating.

Whether you are a new or seasoned manager, building trust with your employees and your supervisor is critical to your ability to get things done. Clout can be defined as the ability to influence others to get things done. In organizations, some have this ability while others don’t. Why? The answer may boil down to the level of trust others have in you and your ability to get things done.

Gaining and retaining the trust of your employees is one of the more challenging aspects of leadership. Here are 7 ways to build relationships based on trust with your employees.

Be Honest

Like I mentioned above, honesty is critical to building and retaining the trust of your employees. Great leaders know that being honest with employees, especially when things are tough, builds trust. Honesty is the most powerful when it is costing you something to be truthful. For instance, suppose you see someone unknowingly drop a $100 bill, and you return the list bill to them. It cost you $100, but this person now perceives you as honest and is therefore much more inclined to trust you.

As a leader, it is your responsibility to be honest in both good and bad times. For example, if you were to go to your employees and tell them there was going to be a layoff in two months, chances are your employees would not be happy with you or your news. However, because you were not obligated to inform your employees of the impending layoffs prior to the layoffs actually happening, you gained trust for your honesty.

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

Improving your communication is one of the quickest ways to gain trust. The more openly and honestly you communicate, the more trust you will have in your relationships. The frequency of your communication with your supervisor and your employees should not be underestimated. The more frequently you communicate with someone in a manner that is direct, timely, honest, and caring, the more opportunities you have to build trust.

Keep Your Employees Informed

We all want to be in the know. Take the time to keep your employees informed about what is happening within the organization and give as much information as you can, both good and bad. The more people feel informed about their organization, the better they feel about their participation in that organization. When you do not have the answer or are unsure of the reason for a particular decision, be honest with your employees and do whatever you can to get more information to them as soon as possible.

Do What You Say You’re Going to Do

This suggestion offers you the fastest path to trustworthiness. If you tell someone you are going to do something, write it down to make sure you don’t forget. And then do it. Likewise, if you ask someone else to do something for you, write it down so you remember to check in with them to ensure its completion. This reinforces that the tasks you are delegating are important and that you’re not leaving your employees with a long list of tasks that they then have to try prioritizing.

Under-Promise and Over-Deliver

Making promises you cannot deliver on is a surefire way to break down trust and deteriorate morale. When you make vague promises about bonuses or promotions that never materialize, your employees feel deceived and begin to lose trust in the things you say and promise. Instead, under-promise and over-deliver.

Genuinely Care About Your Employee’s Personal and Professional Success

When your supervisor and your employees know that you really care about their personal and professional success, and your actions demonstrate this case, they will find you easier to trust you and the intentions behind your decisions and actions.

Own Your Mistakes

Mistakes happen, and are a part of leadership and business. When you make a mistake, it is important that you own that mistake and let go of any excuses. People like to follow humble leaders. To be able to say, “I recommended a new way to handle this situation, and it didn’t work. I made a mistake, but I am grateful to have a great team that can fix mistakes – Thank you.” is a characteristic of a strong and humble leader that people want to follow.

Unlike instant pudding and instant tea, there is no such thing as instant trust. Trust is a necessary factor in the workplace, and great leaders work hard to earn, and keep, the trust and confidence of their employees. It can take weeks, months, and even years to build trust, but mere minutes to destroy it. Watch both your actions and words carefully, and strike phrases like “Let me be honest with you,” from your leadership vocabulary.

The post 6 Words Undermining Your Ability to Build Trust appeared first on Peter Barron Stark Companies.

Consider this question; Why are some leaders trusted and spoken positively about (whether they’re in the room or not) and always given the benefit of the doubt, while other leaders are not trusted, even when they should be? Recently, one executive we were coaching was talking about a peer when he stated, “Do you know how to tell when he’s lying?”  When I gave him a puzzled look, he added, “His lips are moving.”

People either trust you, or they don’t, and there is very rarely any middle ground. What inspired this blog is our recent work with a highly trusted leader who, over the course of a couple months, lost the trust of almost everyone on her team. When we reviewed what behaviors and actions had eroded this trust, the following were shared by her boss and direct reports:

1. She had a new boss who raised the bar on what was expected from her as a leader and from her department. This change impacted her level of confidence, causing her to question whether she was the right person for the job.
2. Instead of giving the department and individual team members credit for the team’s positive results, she started to personally take credit for the successes.
3. When there were problems, she began publicly blaming individuals on the team instead of focusing on solutions.
4. Instead of being a proactive communicator, she began cancelling the weekly department meetings.
5. She lied to team members about what information she did and didn’t know regarding organizational changes.
6. She made some promises to team members that she knew could not be kept.
7. As if this long list wasn’t enough, she was also personally going through a divorce.

Fortunately, there is good news in all of this bad news. This leader was able to articulate these examples, and she knew that she had taken actions that had created (possibly irreparable) harm to the trust that her team members had in her as a leader. Her question to me was, “Is there any hope of ever rebuilding this trust?” What a great question, and my response was a tough one. “The easiest thing for you to do is to go find another job. Then, every day, do what trustworthy leaders do.” This wasn’t the answer she was hoping to hear, and her response was, “I don’t want to leave if I don’t have to, and I’ll do whatever it takes to rebuild this team’s trust in me. What do I need to do?”

We have published several blogs on the importance of trust in leadership, and it is one of the central tenets of the Loyalty Connection covered in our white paper, 8 Proven Strategies to Workplace Excellence.  If, however, you are in the same boat as our leader above and trying to rebuild trust in the workplace, here are 10 actions you can take:

Recognize that rebuilding trust is going to take a long time. Most people, when they have been burned by a leader, will not respond well when the leader states, “From this point forward, you can trust me.”  To expect your employees to instantly trust you again is unreasonable, and will only continue to undermine their trust in your leadership.

Admit you screwed up. Part of re-building trust is letting go of any excuse for why you did what you did to destroy the trust. Coming to confession with your team and telling them, “I made a mistake. If I had to do this over again, I want you know I would not repeat my actions that have caused you to lose trust in me. You have my commitment moving forward that I will handle this differently, and tell you the truth each step of the way.”

Do what you say you’re going to do. To build trust, you need to do what you say you’re going to do, when you say you are going to do it, long after the feeling or desire to do it has left you. If you tell someone you’re going to do something, schedule it in your calendar so you are reminded to do it. There is no good excuse for not doing what you promise others you will do.

Tell the truth. This is so easy and obvious to say, but it is much harder to do on a daily basis. Why? The reason it’s difficult to gain points for trustworthiness by telling the truth is because the only time you gain points for telling the truth is when it costs you something to do so. When an employee comes to you and asks, “Do you have a problem with my performance?” the easy thing to say if you don’t like conflict is, “I’m good with your performance.”  The hard but truthful thing to say is, “Larry, that is a great question and I’m glad you took the time to ask me. I do have several problems with your performance and I want to see if you also see these issues as a problem.”  Larry may not like me or this performance discussion. Although Larry may not like me, he will now most likely trust that when he asks me a question, I will give him an honest answer. Honestly communicating bad news, and sharing a vision and path to success, is one of the fastest ways to rebuild trust.

Be vulnerable. People find it easier to trust you when you are transparent. When you have the ability to say, “I don’t know the answer,” or, “I might be wrong,” or, “I made a mistake and I am glad you covered for me,” people know that you are human. People who have a high need to defend what they did wrong instead of admitting their mistake are not trusted.

Help and support others…daily. Leaders who go out of their way to help and support others in being successful demonstrate that they are more interested in other’s success than their own. When people feel that their leader truly cares about and supports their success, they will go out of their way to ensure their leader is successful.

Listen. Listening to your boss, direct reports, peers, and customers, and then acting on their feedback, is one of the quicker and more actionable ways to rebuild trust. It communicated to people that you value their opinion and are willing to act on their advice.

Give away the credit… claim the blame. When you team is successful, give all the praise and recognition to your team. When there is a failure, step up to the plate and boldly state, “I take responsibility for ensuring this problem doesn’t happen again.”

Ask for feedback.  Let people know you are aware that your actions have eroded the trust of the team, and you are working hard to rebuild it. Ask people for honest feedback on which actions you are taking are working well for the team, and what people think you could do differently to be an even stronger leader.

Hold team members equally accountable. Great leaders do not have favorites. They hold all team members equally accountable to high performance standards. When leaders do this well, there will be days when not every member of the team is happy with them and their decisions.  Holding all team members equally accountable means that no employee perceives the leader as having favorites on the team. This point is easy to say but extremely hard to consistently execute on a daily basis.

Gaining back lost trust is easier said than done. It will require patience, perseverance, and most of all, time. Raise your personal leadership standards, commit to them, and do right by your team. Leadership is nonexistent without the relationships you build with your employees. Without trust, you have no followers. And without followers, there is no leader.

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The term “fair” means different things to different people. Usually, being accused of being an unfair leader happens when you are perceived to have not treated everyone equally, nor consistent with your company’s rules, policies and past practices. In some cases, though, practicing leadership that may be perceived by some as “unfair” is actually great leadership.

First, let’s make a basic distinction between fairness and consistency. Based on insights shared by Bill Catlette and Richard Hadden, authors of “Contented Cows MOOve Faster,” consistency means that you treat everyone equally, at all times and in all situations. Fairness means that you treat each of your team members uniquely, with equity, based on their preferences, needs and varied contributions.

Consistency is easy, as it makes no distinction based on individual team members’ contributions, or even lack of contribution. You just interpret and follow the rules consistently, treating everyone the same.

Fairness is tough, as you’ve got to be thinking, applying logic, and using judgment. A fair leader recognizes that not all team members deserve the same amount of recognition, feedback, training, or mentoring. Joe Kraus, founder of Excite.com, a web portal, boldly states: “Nothing demotivates people like the equal treatment of unequals. When you hire a bozo and treat him the same as a rock star, it deflates the rock star.”

Here are five ways to strengthen your fairness factor:

Outline Success

First, have a clearly defined vision of what success looks like in your business, and how it is measured. Then, frequently broadcast the goals and strategies to achieve the goals. Next, provide consistent updates so that all team members know where they stand individually and how the team is collectively performing.

Recognize and Reward Uniquely

In the real world, not everyone wins and gets a trophy with every endeavor. Your business is no different. If you’ve been clear about what success looks like, and how it is measured, chances are some employees are hitting home runs again and again; some are routinely meeting the goal; and some spend more time arguing with you that the goals are unrealistic and unattainable than it would take to achieve the goal.

A fair leader provides more recognition and, when appropriate, rewards those who meet or exceed the goals. The whiners who don’t meet the goal will cry, “Unfair” when there is no blanket recognition or reward for all team members. When this happens, know that you’re earning fairness points with all those who count, and ignore the whiners.

Coach and Mentor

A fair leader holds all employees accountable for clearly defined performance standards. When an employee falls short, the leader invests time and energy in helping the employee develop and address the performance challenge. If the employee exhibits a desire to learn and grow, the fair leader continues in the mentoring capacity. However, if for whatever the reason the employee will not or cannot address the performance challenge, this fair leader makes a judgment call to let the employee go, or move the employee to a more suitable position. This fair leader understands that carrying a slacker, and treating him/her the same as the rock star, is absolutely unfair.

Get Personal

A consistent leader treats everyone on their team the same way, and remains somewhat distant from the people side of the employee/employer relationship. Isn’t that what we were taught in Leadership 101? A fair leader, however, understands that their team is a beautiful blend of diverse talent, personalities, ethnic backgrounds and just general quirkiness. The fair leader knows team members as individuals, respects their uniqueness, and treats people the way they want to be treated. By doing this, the fair leader is able to synergize the group, often achieving phenomenal outcomes because people feel good about themselves and are motivated to go the extra mile.

Be Open to Feedback

Fair leaders are humble. They are good listeners. They welcome and accept feedback, even when sometimes being accused of being “unfair.” They keep the communication lines open with team members by asking questions and reflecting on the answers. It would be easier to only hang out with the cheerleaders, but a fair leader knows that he/she will never continue to grow and further develop as a leader without encouraging and being open to tough feedback.

Being a fair leader takes courage, wisdom, people smarts and a whole lot of good judgment. Being fair is tough, but fair leaders achieve better results, have greater employee loyalty and retention, and top the charts in respect. Being consistent and treating everyone the same is easy, but the easy route won’t get you, or your team, as far.

The post What Many Leaders Misunderstand About Fairness appeared first on Peter Barron Stark Companies.

Other variations of the same line include:

“I’m going to be honest with you.” “I need to be transparent with you.” Or, better yet, “Can I be frank?”
Every time someone asks about their need to be honest with me, the same thoughts race through my mind before I give the obvious answer of “of course.” These thoughts are:

• No, lie to me. That’s always helpful in building a relationship based on trust.
• Why do you need to ask me this? Are you thinking about lying to me?
• Are you trying to emphasize that what you are telling me is really important and that you would never lie about this topic?
• Are you telling me you usually lie but you want me to know I am special to you and that you’re making a real effort for me to know that what you are about to say is really the truth.
• Are you trying to make an impression on me of just how honest you really are?

There is one big problem with the line, “I am going to be honest with you.” Indirectly, you tell the world that you’re not always honest and you need to emphasize that what you’re about to say is special … it is honest. Telling people you’re being honest lessens the level of trust that people have in you and what you’re communicating.

The difference between a leader and a manager is simple: a leader may or may not have a title, but what a leader always has is a relationship based on trust where people are motivated to follow them. People don’t follow those who they don’t trust.

There is a simple solution: be honest in every communication at all times and then you’ll never have the need to tell people you’re being honest!

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When it comes to trust, it’s a Catch 22. You either trust people or you don’t trust people. Either way, you are usually right. If you trust people, you usually delegate freely, clarify expectations and outcomes, and then you stand back and let them do their job. If you do not trust people, you tend to avoid delegating important tasks unless you absolutely have to. And when you do delegate, you micro-manage the employee because you lack trust that without your oversight, they won’t do things the way you want them done.

The following tips will help you in having the confidence in your employees to freely delegate responsibility and reap the benefits:

First, trust yourself: If you don’t believe that you can recover from just about any mistake an employee makes, then you will be hesitant to put your career or fate into anyone else’s hands. To be a great leader, you have to truly believe that no matter what mistake someone makes, you can recover and make an even more positive outcome.

Communicate your vision and values: When employees are crystal clear on your vision for the organization or your team, and the values that guide your decisions, they won’t have to guess what decisions you would make in specific situations.

Put safeguards in place: Blind trust is not what great leaders do. Like President Ronald Reagan was famous for saying, “Trust, but verify.” Ensure you have the safeguards in place to guide the right outcome of your delegated tasks.

Hire winners: Great employees are connected at the head and the heart and are willing to do whatever it takes to produce a positive outcome. Many times, great employees care so much that there’s no chance for a negative outcome.

Reward employees for taking initiative: If employees take initiative, reward them for having the courage to make decisions that are in alignment with your vision and values. Will there be some bad decisions? You bet. That’s your opportunity to coach, but not change your belief in trusting employees. Employees want to do the right thing and with the right coaching and encouragement, they’ll find making the right decision easier.

Explain the why: If you’re going to overturn an employee decision or not support their decision with the team, your boss or a customer, tell them why before making the decision. Being honest about your decision, and encouraging your employee to continue to take the lead and make decisions in this area will signal that even though there is a difference of opinion in this specific situation, you still trust their decisions.

One leader can only do so much effectively. Let go of routine, ordinary activities to focus your efforts on big picture leadership. Delegation and empowerment are critical to your success. Believe in your employees to multiply your talent, grow your business and build trust in the workplace.

Image via Flickr user Skydive Lillo.

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