Last week, I found myself one of the last two people at the airport baggage turnstile. The turnstile was going around and around but, unfortunately, my luggage was not on it. The other gentleman whose luggage did not arrive proceeded over to the lost luggage counter. He thought the way he could get the counter person to find his lost luggage quicker was to yell at her. It was her quick-witted response to this gentleman I will never forget. After being yelled at for about one minute, she quietly replied, “Sir, it is 11:55 p.m. and there are only two people in this whole world who care about your lost luggage. I need you to know, one of them is rapidly losing interest.”

Almost every person has had an experience in dealing with a difficult person, employee or customer. The following ten tips will help create a win-win in difficult situations.

When you need help, ask for it. One of the realities of dealing with difficult customers is that they seem to show up when you and your organization are incredibly busy. In fact, that is one of the reasons why customer problems occur in the first place. Because we are so busy, some things just slip through the cracks. Whenever you feel stressed or overwhelmed, the last thing you need is a difficult or angry customer. Then the best thing you can do is ask a fellow employee or manager for assistance in helping you solve the problem. Teamwork makes difficult situations much easier to handle.

Develop your positive mental attitude. Wouldn’t it be great if every customer were a perfect customer? A customer who needed no instructions and the only time they spoke to you was to give you a compliment? One perception that will help you deal with difficult customers is to understand that, without customers who have problems, your contributions may not be needed. If every customer were a perfect customer, we would need less managers and less staff. One of the reasons you are specifically needed is to deal with people and situations that others cannot. Become an expert at difficult situations. That is why you are there.

Stay objective–do not get hooked. Customers sometimes say things to trigger a response from you. A great mental picture is to visualize the customer dropping a hook down in front of your mouth. What is important to understand is that whether you swallow the hook or not is your choice. Most times, when you feel angry or defensive, the best thing you can do is ask the customer a question. We heard a manager say, “I am sorry your order was not delivered on time as we promised. What can I do to help make this situation better for you?”

Let the customer unwind. As long as the customer is talking–or venting, let the customer continue. The worst thing you can do is cut the person off and start talking. Let the customer vent, listen to determine the real needs, and begin thinking of the specific actions you can take to help improve the situation.

Reward the customer. This sounds funny, but we recommend that you thank the customer for bringing the problem to your attention. Only approximately 4 percent of your customers have the guts to call you and tell you about their problem. The other 96 percent quietly walk away and never say a word to anyone. When someone tells you there is a problem with you or your organization, thank that person. He or she is truly a valuable customer.

Respond first to the customer’s emotion, then to the facts. When customers complain, they are most often angry or upset. An appropriate response might be, “I know that you are frustrated that the product was not delivered on time. Let me pull up your record and see what we can do to get this problem rectified.” By acknowledging the emotion, the customer knows that you are listening and that you do care.

Keep your cool. In fact, when a customer is angry or upset, we recommend you actually get calmer. Speak quietly. Trail your voice off at the end of your sentence. This method will indirectly create a calming effect on your customer. The worst thing you can do is escalate your voice. It will only make the customer more upset and angry.

Offer alternative solutions. Instead of telling a customer what you cannot do, provide the customer with alternative solutions and let the person choose. A manager might reply, “We can correct the problem tomorrow and ship it to you FedEx. Or, if you are not in a hurry, we can ship it by regular mail. Which would be best for you?” Give your customer options.

Take immediate action. The one thing that will make a customer even more difficult is the feeling that nothing is being done to solve the problem. Assuring the customer that something is being done is critical to your success. Respond quickly to customer problems and state what actions you are going to take to solve the problem. The longer the customer perceives it takes you to solve the problem, the greater chance the severity of the situation will escalate.

Follow-up. If you want to be remembered for an organization that provides GREAT service, it is critical that you follow-up with your customers to ensure that the customer is satisfied. Once the problem is resolved, call the customer, and say, “I just wanted to make sure everything was okay and that the problem was resolved to your satisfaction.” The customer will remember that you and your organization really do care about the level of service they provide.

You can also help your employees deal with difficult customers by sharing the above ten tips with them. Empower your staff with the confidence and latitude to resolve the problem without having to pass the customer on or take a message. Remember to reinforce their skills by giving praise when you catch them “doing something right.”

If you would like to receive the Tactic of the Week, visit our book page www.peterstark.com/negotiatingguide and fill-in the subscribe box. With this subscription, you will receive a tactic each week along with a counter to the tactic to ensure your negotiating success.

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I once negotiated the purchase of a car with three different dealers. The first two were clearly only interested in making a sale that benefitted them, so I moved on. The third dealer made it clear that, although he wanted to sell me a car at a price suitable to him, he was also interested in meeting my unique needs and sending me away a satisfied customer; he threw in some extra upgrades and an extended service agreement. I drove off content with my new car and when it came time to purchase another car, you can guess which salesperson I returned to.

In most negotiations, fostering a cooperative atmosphere increases the chances of a win-win outcome. When each party obtains something of greater value in exchange for something on which he or she places a lower value, both parties win. Each of them may have wished for more, but at least they are both satisfied and will be willing to negotiate again later.

Some negotiators have a strong reputation for consistently achieving win-win outcomes in their negotiations. To achieve this favorable reputation for yourself, keep the following guidelines in mind.

1. Avoid narrowing the negotiation down to one issue. Focusing on just one issue sets the scene for a win-lose outcome. The most common example is arguing over the price of a product or service. To avoid getting stuck on one issue such as price, try to visualize a juggler. A juggler does not juggle just one ball. In fact, the best jugglers are those who juggle several difficult objects—like knives. Keep this picture in mind when you negotiate: Let’s say you want to buy 100 mid-range, pro-level tablets for your corporation and your budget is $1,000 per tablet. The model you prefer is listed for $1,299 per tablet. You may be tempted to lock on to the price issue and do your best to get the tablets discounted to $1,000. Why? Because price is the easiest and most logical deal point to discuss. If you take this tack, you may be successful at reducing the price, but you take the chance of laying the foundation for a lose-lose outcome. Keeping that juggler in mind, a better strategy would be to bring up additional deal points to negotiate, such as delivery date, financing, upgrades, warranty, training, and support—all of which contribute to the overall “price” of the product. Bringing multiple issues to the table provides the opportunity for you to “juggle” the deal points to create a win-win outcome.

2. Realize that your counterpart does not have the same needs and wants you do. If you do not take this factor into consideration, you negotiate with the idea that your gain is your counterpart’s loss, and vice versa. With that attitude, it is virtually impossible to create a win-win negotiation outcome. In the computer example above, most negotiators would assume that the number-one goal of each counterpart would be to get the best respective price. But if price were the most important factor for all buyers, they would all purchase the cheapest computer, and no other model would ever be sold! The reason there are so many models is that buyers almost always have needs other than price that drive the outcome in negotiations.

3. Do not assume you know your counterpart’s needs. It’s very common for negotiators to assume they know exactly what their counterpart wants. For example, a salesperson “knows” that the buyer wants to buy the product or service at the lowest possible price. That may be true—but the buyer may have a much more powerful need that influences his or her decision to buy. By asking probing questions, the sales- person may discover other relevant facts, for example, that the buyer’s biggest concern is what his or her boss will think about the wisdom of the purchase decision.

By utilizing the three critical elements of a negotiation you can start to achieve a win-win negotiation outcome and build on your reputation as a trustworthy negotiator that people return to again and again.

If you want to take your conflict management skills to the next level and build lasting, win-win relationships with customers that will benefit you for years to come, purchase our new book “The Only Negotiating Guide You’ll Ever Need” or contact us for more information on how a Negotiation Skills Training workshop could benefit you, your team and your company for years to come.

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Example
Let’s is a powerful word when it comes to soliciting cooperation from others. Instead of saying, “You need to sharpen your pencil to see if you can come up with a better price,” you could say, “Let’s reexamine your numbers and options and see if we can come up with a better price.”

You are able to get the same point across in a much more cooperative way. The word let’s is powerful and it works better than saying you.

Counter

Let’s is a difficult word to counter without coming across uncooperative. A strategy that could work well in this situation is, If You Were in My Shoes. For example, if you had already given your counterpart a rock bottom price and going any lower would make your sale unprofitable, you might say, “I am struggling with where to go next. If you were in my shoes, how could you justify lowering the price to a point where you create an unprofitable sale?”

You may also counter effectively with the strategy of Asking an Open Ended Question. You might ask, “What specific ideas did you have in mind for me to get you a lower price and still remain profitable?”

Have you used or encountered this tactic in your negotiations? If so, how’d it go?

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Example
Recently, we had a family discussion about where to go out for dinner. I wanted to go to a local restaurant that specialized in barbecued ribs. My wife and daughter wanted to go to a salad bar, and my son wanted to go to a hamburger joint. It looked like the girls were going to win and we were off to the salad bar when my son said, “Wait a second. If we can go out for hamburgers, then I will let you pick where we go out to eat for the next two times.” He was willing to give up a future round draft choice for winning a deal point at the present moment.

Counter
My daughter did not miss a beat. She used the counter of Never Saying Yes to the First Offer and said, “I hate hamburgers. For me to agree to go there, then you need to go where we want to go for the next three times.”

A second counter could be to Sweeten the Deal. My wife could have said to my son, “If you will go to the salad bar, you can choose the movie we watch tonight.”

Have you used or encountered this tactic in your negotiations? If so, how’d it go?

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When one tactic is not working, the worst thing you can do is turn up the volume on the same tactic.

Example
A real estate agent is trying to sell a house. The potential buyers are a very analytical couple who want to have a lot of information before entering a negotiation. They say they want to look at more research on the neighborhood and take time to think before making an offer. If the real estate agent is a typical shark, he might respond by saying something like, “Well, don’t blame me if someone else comes in tonight with an offer and buys your house.” This tactic might well prompt the prospective buyers to respond with These Boots Are Made for Walking, and find another real estate agent to work with.

The real estate agent would improve his chances of negotiating a win-win outcome by Switching Tactics. He might try Referencing a Benchmark to let the potential buyers know how quickly property is currently selling in this neighborhood; or Investing Time, offering to show the potential buyers the schools, parks and shopping areas in the neighborhood. If he helps the buyers conduct their research, his chances of selling the property improve significantly.

It’s important to be resourceful throughout all your negotiations. When one tactic isn’t working, quickly switch to another.

Have you used or encountered this tactic in your negotiations? If so, how’d it go?

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Your level of aspiration will probably be the single most important determinant of what you get out of a negotiation. Before entering any negotiation, you need to identify your aspiration, your wish and your bottom line. Aim high!

Example
You go online to bid for a hotel room at a reputable hotel in New Orleans. You know that if you call the hotel and ask for its best price, you will be told it is $185. You will be comfortable (your aspiration) paying $145 per night. But you decide to raise your level of aspiration (your wish), and so you offer $95. The hotel e-mails to inform you that your offer has been accepted, and your reservation is guaranteed. Aiming high pays off!

Have you used or encountered this tactic in your negotiations? If so, how’d it go?

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This is an important tactic to learn because when you have A Positive Vision of the outcome of a negotiation, you will most likely guide its course. If your counterpart does not have a vision, as well as a plan to achieve that vision, he or she will probably be limited to reacting to your vision.

Example
A contractor is in a dispute with a corporation over the building of its new office, and a meeting is set to discuss cost overruns. The contractor prepares for two weeks and goes into the meeting with a well-orchestrated presentation that is aimed at ending the dispute with a win-win outcome for both counterparts. He visualizes the corporation accepting his proposal. At the meeting, he does a great job of demonstrating how the dispute can be resolved equitably.

Representatives of the corporation enter the negotiation with their primary focus on minimizing their losses in cost overruns. Without their own clear vision of a win-win outcome, they find themselves influenced by the contractor’s optimism and commitment to a solution that is favorable for everyone. They accept the contractor’s proposal, and both sides come out feeling like winners.

Have you used or encountered this tactic in your negotiations? If so, how’d it go?

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Summary: Using unpleasant or insulting behavior to intimidate a counterpart.

One of the most challenging counterparts to deal with is a shark. Shark-like behaviors include yelling, screaming, swearing, or fist pounding. The tactics sharks and bullies utilize are usually successful because most people would rather give in and retreat—with their shirts still on their backs—than fight.

Example
A team of union employees is negotiating a contract with management. One of the union representatives starts yelling at the management team whenever he does not appear to be winning a deal point. His behavior intimidates some of the managers, who are tempted to ask their representative to give in rather than having the union member continue making a scene.

Counter

The most effective way to deal with a shark is to get closer to him, not to retreat. If you show that you are not intimidated, his bullying behavior becomes useless.

In the scenario above, management’s representative has four possible counters:

1. He could get up, walk out, and never come back.
2. He could say something like “Most people who negotiate with us do not feel a need to yell, swear, or pound their fists. I wonder why you feel a need to act this way.”
3. If he knows his counterpart to be a bully, before the discussion even starts, he could say, “I have been hoping all week that you will yell and scream like you usually do. Do you promise you will do it today?”
4. Finally, if he is really confident and wants to have a little fun, he could say, “You know, you frustrate a lot of people when you yell and swear, but it kind of excites me. I love people of passion! Will you do it again?”

Using these counters takes confidence, but if you use them well, a bully may yell and swear at others but, most likely, will not yell and swear at you.

Have you used or encountered this tactic in your negotiations? If so, how’d it go?

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A counterpart might use the Scrambled Eggs tactic to confuse you and your decision-making process. Sometimes facts and figures are used; other times, false information is provided.

Example
A salesman is adding up the cost of some furniture. The buyer says she does not want to spend more than $3,000 for the four pieces she is interested in purchasing. The salesman adds up the prices and says the total comes to only $2,800. But when the paperwork is completed, the salesman claims that he has made a $200 error. Once tax and delivery fees are added in, the total is over $3,000.

In a second example, a person selling a car uses facts and figures, such as Kelley Blue Book prices, to establish the value of his vehicle. He shares the bottom-line figures with a potential buyer, neglecting to point out that the price he is quoting is for a car with lower mileage. His hope is that the buyer won’t ask for proof or a breakdown of figures.

Counter

In the first example, the buyer could expose the furniture salesman’s tactic, saying that she believes the salesman is deliberately trying to deceive her.

In the second example, the car buyer should ask to see the Kelley Blue Book to verify the numbers, and then point out the discrepancy.

In either example, These Boots Are Made for Walking would also be effective.

Have you used or encountered this tactic in your negotiations? If so, how’d it go?

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There are times when you want the best available product or service but do not want to pay the price that the top products or services command.

Example
In searching for a certified public accountant, we were given the names of three individuals who were qualified and experienced with our type of business. We interviewed the first two accountants and requested they create a proposal. We scheduled the third accountant for the last interview because two different people who referred this accountant to us said she was one of the best, but, “Very, very expensive.” When we met with the third accountant, we shared the background of how she was referred to us and her associated reputation on price. We ended the meeting by saying, “We would love to work with you but we are not sure if we can afford your fees. Since we are a small business, when you work up the proposal, will you go easy on us?”

Counter

In this situation an effective counter could be the Feel, Felt, and Found. The accountant might have responded, “I can understand that since you have not experienced the high level of service I provide, you might feel my fees are high. Many of my existing clients felt the same way you do until they discovered that the amount I am able to save them is substantial compared to the fees I charge for my services.”

A second tactic that may work well in this situation is to Lose the Battle to Win the War. The accountant may have stated something like, “I will give you a new client discount so that you will quickly see that the value gained by my professional services will make the fees seem inconsequential.”

Have you used or encountered this tactic in your negotiations? If so, how’d it go?

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