I think your second suggestion is best because it asks a question, puts the problem in their lap after you’ve shown them you know their game and yet it’s not pouring gas on the fire (conflict), it’s not humiliating the other person, such as choices no. 3 and 4, which will usually only create more heightened negative emotions.

I’ve used something to the effect of “as long as we talk respectfully and calmly I will listen to all that you say and talk about what’s most important to you. If you yell, talk loudly over me or make false accusations, this conversation is over.”

The response? Stunned silence. They knew I understood their tactic and they didn’t know what to do. Now, this prevented the typical, predictable outbursts as a control mechanism but it didn’t really help me get them collaborating. This is an ongoing relationship that to this day is a challenge to me.